yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I looked at my own cervix.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
