He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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