well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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