why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
