mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
