I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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