so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
