Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
