It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
