I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
