I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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