The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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