in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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