what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
