I hate all girls vehemently.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
