White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
