so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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