wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
