i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
one might say we're banned from that church
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
