very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
