yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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