I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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