Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
