The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
