my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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