Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
