i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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