U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
