I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
