part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
