I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
