My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
