Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
