i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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