Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
