I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
