idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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