thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
