Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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