two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
