My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
