I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
