It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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