morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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