so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
