I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
