I'm lost and stupid without you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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