I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
