Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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