I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
